Wednesday, 16 May 2012

Wrists & Stumps

All Judo heroes have slipped on sweetcorn stumps and twisted their wrist awkwardly at some stage. I'll be alright.

Monday, 14 May 2012

Pirates

When you buy a DVD you cannot fast forward through all the boring legal warnings about piracy. But when you buy a pirate DVD you can skip straight through them.

So by following the law you pay more and you get held up by government threats about other people’s piracy.

What’s my point you may ask? Raaaaarghhh is my point.

Wednesday, 09 May 2012

Crossing Your Arms

Isn't crossing your arms a very Judo thing?

You just shove your left one under your right one and the right one under the left... and they just stay there. I think that's very Judo.

Friday, 04 May 2012

62nd Wedding Anniversary

Rexley got confused when he found out his grandparents were celebrating their 62nd wedding anniversary and gave them a ‘60 second wedding anniversary card.’

That’s what he said anyway, but I just think it’s all a bit silly.

Monday, 30 April 2012

How to do Crimes

Rexley is writing a book called ‘How to do Crimes.’ Here is an excerpt:

“When kidnappers take a rich man’s daughter to get a ransom, what they are doing is adding a layer of complication. Go straight for the rich man, because he’s the one with the money.”

He must have had some help, because that is actually quite wise.

Wednesday, 25 April 2012

Rexley's Uncle

Rexley's uncle has got his occupation down on his passport as 'bundle people into vans'.

Disgusting family.

Monday, 23 April 2012

Roybo Cop

I came across some plans that Rexley has been drawing for something called Roybo Cop. It’s a robot that shoots at me with gun-finger type things by the looks of it. I threw them in the bin. Other than that… not a lot going on with me today, just Judo rehearsals and stuff.

Friday, 20 April 2012

Big Prats

Cats like it when lions and tigers are referred to as big cats because it makes them feel dangerous by association - but it just sounds desperate.

You’ll never hear a lion refer to himself as a ‘big cat’ - he’ll tell you proudly he’s a lion. Lions are lions. Cats are mugs.

Wednesday, 18 April 2012

Super Power

I asked Rexley if he could have a super power what would it be and he said, "The power to know football results."

(I showed him the football scores in the newspaper and he was very happy to catch up on the weekends results.)

Monday, 16 April 2012

Shell Suits and High Fashion

Rexley has requested I ask you all this:

“How long before some wimpy Shoreditch ponces bring shell-suits back into fashion cos I got one and I might throw it out?”

It’s an important question, as I’ve also got a Judo shell-suit I need to make a decision on.